Featured! Charly Boy’s The SEE FINISH Syndrome [For couples only]

After reading this article, I decided to put it up here [after asking for and getting Charly Boy’s approval] especially since Valentine’s day is here when many couples who might be going through the See Finish Syndrome are probably trying to get each other gifts. Maybe not. What is funny is many people who are courting/dating after a few years, break up because of this. This article makes a lot of sense. Charly Boy went there! It is a long read, a bit explicit and funny but not boring at all so buckle up.

The article

When two people, lovers, friends, partners or even team mates can consistently predict one another’s moves like clockwork, it is called SEE FINISH.

See finish can help one in fully understanding your partner. However, See finish in a marriage has its own bad sides and if not checked can lead to the death of DESIRE in a marriage, especially, sexually.

That’s when couples start to take each other for granted and no longer as granted. SEE FINISH in a marriage is when one spouse is desperately yearning for more sex, connection or physical closeness, and the other for whatever reason, seems a bit unconcerned about their partner’s feelings, or just not with it anymore.

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For instance, if in the beginning of a marriage, a couple enjoyed going out together and five years into their union as husband and wife, both of them begin to hate the idea of hanging out with each other,hmmmmmm SEE FINISH has entered the matter.

See finish is when your spouse is no longer attractive sexually, when you start looking at your spouse as a sister or a brother. For married people, it when making love has become a chore instead of the affirmation of love and intimacy.

The worst stage of See Finish in a marriage that there are couples who haven’t made it to their 10^th year in marriage and already there is little or no action in the bedroom? If their desire has finally kicked the bucket before year ten, we that have survived 37 years should ask for a divorce or what? There are couples who have lost all intimacy in their marriage, some of them live under the same roof like total strangers and some are just co-habiting. It is crazy but it is true.

When the man is a drama queen.

Men often see women as the ones that nag and cause unnecessary drama and they are the calm and collected ones who need a break from all our troubles. Hmmm....

I saw him when he walked into the packed super market and believed he would behave because the place was packed. It was a Friday.

I was about to call on him but he made eye contact with me and began to walk towards me. Then it began...

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Seriously Mabel? Do you think it’s easy to drive down from the office to this place? He shouted at me, The traffic. The stress. The crazy people that were in the damned traffic. All this just to come give you the house keys? Why do you keep losing your keys by the way? Human beings don’t lose their house keys the way you do. How did you lose the keys again Mabel? How does a woman lose her keys in her parents’ place and had to call her husband to come from work to come give her his own set of keys?................ 

How is it possible that a man doesn’t ‘do sexy’?

It was puzzling when I heard this but that is the situation. A newly married woman discovered that her husband wasn’t into lingerie and sexy night wear. He found them repulsive and actually said ‘Do not wear these things worn by prostitutes’

You can imagine how shocked she was to discover that her husband felt this way about lace and stuff. She had bought loads of sexy night wears, baby dolls and underwear to prepare for passionate nights in her marriage. That was what she got. 

I like this number by the way. Victoria Secrets has such lovely lingerie.

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The couple had met in church and got married a few months ago. The lady was away in another state most of that time. Youth service I think. So they kept in touch and immediately she was done, they got married.

The lady obviously is troubled by this situation which was why she was talking about it. I don’t know how this has affected their sex life either. I think every woman wants to feel sexy, wear something sexy and gets admired by the man in her life. I could be wrong though. But I really don’t know how I’d feel if my husband wanted me to wear only those unattractive, long, shapeless night wears to bed each night because he felt that see-through ‘show-me-what-you-got night wears and underwear should only be worn by hookers. 

Staying with the monster for the sake of the angels.

Marriage is supposed to be the union of a man and a woman who love and have mutual respect for each other. They would have problems and issues, misunderstandings and arguments but the fact that they love and respect each other is supposed to help the weather the storms. This is my take. This is what I will have. To this, some women would say, ‘Take your head out of the clouds girl! Get married and then you will know the reality. Love isn’t enough and respect somehow dies because of some events.’ Hmmm... I know it isn’t easy but I know a number of couples who make you want to grab a man in the streets and make an honest man out of him.

“I was working in the kitchen when he called me on the phone. My phone was charging in the room so I didn’t hear it ringing. When I got to the room, I
saw that he had called twice. I tried to call him back but he didn’t pick his calls. Then he came in after some minutes. He went straight to my phone, broke it and took out the SIM card and broke it too. ‘Why would you have a phone if you can’t answer your calls? he said with venom.

I didn’t say a word to him. I had finished cooking and still had errands to run. I picked up the pieces of my phone, dished his food, and told him I was going out before I left. I had to pick up some things for my son who was going back to school this week. When I got back home, he wasn’t around. He came back later and we slept on our matrimonial bed.

Around 5am, I woke up to the most horrible thing ever; my husband was choking me. He told me that if he killed me here, nobody would ask questions. I couldn’t scream. My first son was the one that saved me. He ran into the room when he heard my suppressed cries and the angry voice of his father. It was then he left me alone. But not before hitting me on the face”

The 'valid' reasons for dating a married man

I was listening to a group of ladies at the salon a few days ago. They were talking about a woman I knew [It is indeed a small world]. One of them was the woman’s husband’s mistress who sometimes boldly picked the man’s calls to say a whole lot of nonsense to the woman when she called to speak to her husband. No, these weren’t ‘local’ ghetto fabulous women looking for a man who would take care of them and pay their bills. These were women who dressed and talked like decent people until the conversation took that direction.

So this lady and her friends said that there were ‘valid’ reasons for a woman to date a married man and not feel guilty about it.

 1.       If the man’s wife nags the hell out the man: That is, she nags him so much that he is actually seeking solace in some other woman’s arms. So she [mistress][ is actually saving a soul by dating him; helping a brother out so he doesn’t get hypertensive or so depressed he becomes suicidal. According to the lady, this woman she was dating her husband and ruining her home was a hopeless nag. The woman is one of those people that told you whatever they had in mind but honestly, I wouldn’t know if she was a nag. This reason they said, was valid. SMH

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2.       If the wife isn’t as adventurous in bed as the husband would want her to be and has no intention of improving: Yes, they said it is justifiable if a woman decides to help a sexually frustrated married man. It is his wife’s fault if she doesn’t help him achieve his sexual fantasies and yes, she was indirectly telling him to go out there to ‘get it’ so why would she feel guilty for dating such a man?

When should a woman stop fighting for her man?

While some women might be well aware of their husbands’ opinions concerning polygamy maybe because they are Muslims or traditionalists or just a person who believes it’s only natural for a man to have more than one wife, some are not until it hits them square in the face. 

I have watched two women I know go through the terrible ordeal of finding out, fighting to keep their men, and then sadly living with the fact that their husbands are married to other [younger] women.

Woman A: Martha’s husband was her college sweetheart. He found it difficult to pay school fees at the time because his father had three wives and his mum was the first wife. The man who was just a farmer couldn’t take care of his children. Martha’s parents were doing well so she began to support Ahmed. She helped him with school fees, feeding and buying books. He promised her he would never marry two wives even though he was a Muslim because he didn’t want his children to ever go through what he went through plus of course, he wouldn’t betray her in that manner. Martha believed him because her father was a Muslim and her mother a Christian and he didn’t marry another wife.

After 15 years of marriage that produced 2 boys and a girl, Ahmed who was now doing very well, decided to take another wife; a girl in the vicinity who was in her early twenties. Martha nearly went mad. As I narrate this, she isn’t still very stable mentally. There was nothing she didn’t do. She confronted the girl and her family, fought for her man for several months and of course took the matter to their families. Ahmed’s family of course told her it wasn’t wrong according to their faith. After 5years of marriage, that produced two kids, the girl just left the man. He went back to Martha who forgave him. Less than two years later, he married again, this time to a divorcee. I don’t know how she’s getting by right now.

Woman B: Laura married this police man [before he became the head of a district] when she was 20years old. When she had a first child through C section, the husband’s family was outraged. They told their son that she had bad luck and wouldn’t have more than one child. This woman risked her life, went against doctor’s orders and had 3 more kids. This shocked the family of her husband and they were forced to accept her. Everything was going very well until the policeman all of a sudden rented an apartment for another woman. When Laura found out, she took the woman’s phone number from her husband’s phone and began to call her every minute to threaten, beg sometimes and curse her.