Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Staying with the monster for the sake of the angels.

Marriage is supposed to be the union of a man and a woman who love and have mutual respect for each other. They would have problems and issues, misunderstandings and arguments but the fact that they love and respect each other is supposed to help the weather the storms. This is my take. This is what I will have. To this, some women would say, ‘Take your head out of the clouds girl! Get married and then you will know the reality. Love isn’t enough and respect somehow dies because of some events.’ Hmmm... I know it isn’t easy but I know a number of couples who make you want to grab a man in the streets and make an honest man out of him.

“I was working in the kitchen when he called me on the phone. My phone was charging in the room so I didn’t hear it ringing. When I got to the room, I
saw that he had called twice. I tried to call him back but he didn’t pick his calls. Then he came in after some minutes. He went straight to my phone, broke it and took out the SIM card and broke it too. ‘Why would you have a phone if you can’t answer your calls? he said with venom.

I didn’t say a word to him. I had finished cooking and still had errands to run. I picked up the pieces of my phone, dished his food, and told him I was going out before I left. I had to pick up some things for my son who was going back to school this week. When I got back home, he wasn’t around. He came back later and we slept on our matrimonial bed.

Around 5am, I woke up to the most horrible thing ever; my husband was choking me. He told me that if he killed me here, nobody would ask questions. I couldn’t scream. My first son was the one that saved me. He ran into the room when he heard my suppressed cries and the angry voice of his father. It was then he left me alone. But not before hitting me on the face”



She could barely move her neck and had a black eye. Even her voice was barely audible. Her father had convinced her to marry this man. He was afraid she won’t get married. He didn’t want people to keep asking him what she was doing in his house at 27. So she did and had 3 boys and a girl with him. Adorable children.

“My kids are still very young. My daughter is 4 years old. If I decide to go, who is going to take care of her? My oldest son is just 12 years old. If I go, I would want to go with them. But how can I take care of them? He didn’t let me work or do any business. I don’t want my kids to experience this now. I am waiting for them to grow up so it won’t be so hard on them when I end the marriage. That is my decision. Till then. I would look for a way to fight back.”

After listening to this and shedding a tear or two, I just decided to publish it to know what you guys would advise her if you were to. I think her life is officially in danger? A man that chokes while you are asleep? God have mercy!

Drop your thoughts. Thanks.

Lily Johnson



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27 comments:

  1. Erm if she had died,who would have taken care of the kids? her safety should be her Number 1 priority.. She can file for divorce and still fight in court for custody of the kids.

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    1. That is a good point but she is scared she wont win the battle in court. Just too sad.

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  2. OMG this is why i can never be a housewife, if this woman had a good job she will leave this man. The sad thing is he will never change.She needs to get out fast so that she can be alive to take care of her kids

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    1. She has been told by the people who care about her and i sincerely hope she makes the right decision.

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  3. We women somethings forget how strong we are. So what she does not have money? The only thing is that her standard of living will fall but she will still be alive.
    My cousin is in this same situation. Her hubby refused her to work.
    Men know that once a woman is financially independent form them she wont take rubbish. I am really sorry for women who think like this. They forget that once the man succeeds in them killing them he will quickly marry another wife.

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    1. She is especially scared that she might have to change schools for her kids because she won't be able to pay the fees. She has been advised by people. I just hope she knows what she is doing.

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  4. Her life and safety, as well as that of her children is paramount. Where the parents are violently fighting, the children are increasingly in danger. She should seek therapy, and work towards divorce if all else fails.

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    1. Very true. She doesn't even understand that her kids are in danger too living in that sort of environment.

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  5. Safety first...not angels!!!

    What's wrong with her?

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    1. It is just sad. Very sad. I hope she makes the right decision.

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  6. Wow this is crazy she need to think about her children in that they need her to be strong and protect them and herself. She needs to leave him life is not easy but if you fight to accomplish something you can. If she dont have money that should not be an excuse to stay with someone find yourself a job get help.

    Thanks for posting this is sad but its also an eye opener for women or dometic violence victims out there.

    Leslie

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    1. Unfortunately, the mindset of some of these women isn't about saving themselves, its about keeping up appearances and enduring the torture. Its really sad.

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  7. She should save herself because that is the only way she can save her children. She thinks they are too young but they are also being formed by the kind of relationship they see in the home. If she is determined and I think she is strong, she will survive.

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    1. That's it. Couples don't even think of protecting their children from this kind of situations that could shape their lives. Imagine that boy running into the room and found his father strangling his mum. Its just crazy.

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  8. LilyJ, if you are relating a true story, please link her up with an NGO that deals with DV. There's a popular one..but the name escapes me. They may have more practical ideas.
    That he acknowledges that he can get away with harming her makes it doubly scary.

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    1. Gings, It is a true story. The woman was advised to do something about the situation by fellow women but it seems the husband has apologized and said it was advice from bad friends. Very retarded excuse isn't it? You know how it is when you push these things. It would look like you don't want peace and stuff. I pray she makes the right decision.

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    2. How many times has she been beaten? have the friends been advising him for the last 12+ years. He must go for counselling on his own first. then they can go together.

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  9. This is sad.
    Many women are going through this kind of thing - hanging on for the sake of the kids. I'm still baffled...whatever makes men turn into such terrible beasts?

    If I were her, I'd find a way to leave him without him knowing. If she can start making plans of where she can relocate to and settle with her kids safe away from the beast of a man until she has a better plan. Its better than staying with him at the risk of her life.

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    1. And this is a good plan oo but she has made her choice i guess. Thanks for dropping by.

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  10. If he kills her who will take care of the angels...abi this one is not even slap matter, it is choking while sleeping. She needs to run as fast as her leg will take her.

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    1. My dear, na to pray all is well remain now. She understands that it isn't a good place to be but it is still up to her to do something about it.

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  11. Hmmm, sad ish.

    She made a decision already u said? I hope she makes/made the right one.

    Happy New year

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  12. This is quite a sad and disheartening story. I think she should start gathering evidences of this monstrous attacks, so that she can use them against him while filing for divorce in order to gain custody of the children. And she should make plans to take up a job or start something that'll make money for her even while at home.
    I wish her the best and I pray that God will enlighten the eyes of her understanding and grant her wisdom.

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  13. Tell the young lady to leave
    She should beg anyone and stay in their house
    till she gets a good job
    She must leave with her kids
    With the son being 12 years old i wonder
    if counselling is too late.
    Even if she will get counselling, he must leave first.

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  14. ...she must leave first
    He thinks she's a slave.

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  15. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  16. This made me cry :( It's a sad reality that many women go through this. Heck, even my mum went through it and stayed with my dad for our sake. I just can't even begin to imagine the pain and suffering she went through.

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