The 'valid' reasons for dating a married man

I was listening to a group of ladies at the salon a few days ago. They were talking about a woman I knew [It is indeed a small world]. One of them was the woman’s husband’s mistress who sometimes boldly picked the man’s calls to say a whole lot of nonsense to the woman when she called to speak to her husband. No, these weren’t ‘local’ ghetto fabulous women looking for a man who would take care of them and pay their bills. These were women who dressed and talked like decent people until the conversation took that direction.

So this lady and her friends said that there were ‘valid’ reasons for a woman to date a married man and not feel guilty about it.

 1.       If the man’s wife nags the hell out the man: That is, she nags him so much that he is actually seeking solace in some other woman’s arms. So she [mistress][ is actually saving a soul by dating him; helping a brother out so he doesn’t get hypertensive or so depressed he becomes suicidal. According to the lady, this woman she was dating her husband and ruining her home was a hopeless nag. The woman is one of those people that told you whatever they had in mind but honestly, I wouldn’t know if she was a nag. This reason they said, was valid. SMH

Source

2.       If the wife isn’t as adventurous in bed as the husband would want her to be and has no intention of improving: Yes, they said it is justifiable if a woman decides to help a sexually frustrated married man. It is his wife’s fault if she doesn’t help him achieve his sexual fantasies and yes, she was indirectly telling him to go out there to ‘get it’ so why would she feel guilty for dating such a man?

When should a woman stop fighting for her man?

While some women might be well aware of their husbands’ opinions concerning polygamy maybe because they are Muslims or traditionalists or just a person who believes it’s only natural for a man to have more than one wife, some are not until it hits them square in the face. 

I have watched two women I know go through the terrible ordeal of finding out, fighting to keep their men, and then sadly living with the fact that their husbands are married to other [younger] women.

Woman A: Martha’s husband was her college sweetheart. He found it difficult to pay school fees at the time because his father had three wives and his mum was the first wife. The man who was just a farmer couldn’t take care of his children. Martha’s parents were doing well so she began to support Ahmed. She helped him with school fees, feeding and buying books. He promised her he would never marry two wives even though he was a Muslim because he didn’t want his children to ever go through what he went through plus of course, he wouldn’t betray her in that manner. Martha believed him because her father was a Muslim and her mother a Christian and he didn’t marry another wife.

After 15 years of marriage that produced 2 boys and a girl, Ahmed who was now doing very well, decided to take another wife; a girl in the vicinity who was in her early twenties. Martha nearly went mad. As I narrate this, she isn’t still very stable mentally. There was nothing she didn’t do. She confronted the girl and her family, fought for her man for several months and of course took the matter to their families. Ahmed’s family of course told her it wasn’t wrong according to their faith. After 5years of marriage, that produced two kids, the girl just left the man. He went back to Martha who forgave him. Less than two years later, he married again, this time to a divorcee. I don’t know how she’s getting by right now.

Woman B: Laura married this police man [before he became the head of a district] when she was 20years old. When she had a first child through C section, the husband’s family was outraged. They told their son that she had bad luck and wouldn’t have more than one child. This woman risked her life, went against doctor’s orders and had 3 more kids. This shocked the family of her husband and they were forced to accept her. Everything was going very well until the policeman all of a sudden rented an apartment for another woman. When Laura found out, she took the woman’s phone number from her husband’s phone and began to call her every minute to threaten, beg sometimes and curse her.