Featured! Charly Boy’s The SEE FINISH Syndrome [For couples only]

After reading this article, I decided to put it up here [after asking for and getting Charly Boy’s approval] especially since Valentine’s day is here when many couples who might be going through the See Finish Syndrome are probably trying to get each other gifts. Maybe not. What is funny is many people who are courting/dating after a few years, break up because of this. This article makes a lot of sense. Charly Boy went there! It is a long read, a bit explicit and funny but not boring at all so buckle up.

The article

When two people, lovers, friends, partners or even team mates can consistently predict one another’s moves like clockwork, it is called SEE FINISH.

See finish can help one in fully understanding your partner. However, See finish in a marriage has its own bad sides and if not checked can lead to the death of DESIRE in a marriage, especially, sexually.

That’s when couples start to take each other for granted and no longer as granted. SEE FINISH in a marriage is when one spouse is desperately yearning for more sex, connection or physical closeness, and the other for whatever reason, seems a bit unconcerned about their partner’s feelings, or just not with it anymore.

Source

For instance, if in the beginning of a marriage, a couple enjoyed going out together and five years into their union as husband and wife, both of them begin to hate the idea of hanging out with each other,hmmmmmm SEE FINISH has entered the matter.

See finish is when your spouse is no longer attractive sexually, when you start looking at your spouse as a sister or a brother. For married people, it when making love has become a chore instead of the affirmation of love and intimacy.

The worst stage of See Finish in a marriage that there are couples who haven’t made it to their 10^th year in marriage and already there is little or no action in the bedroom? If their desire has finally kicked the bucket before year ten, we that have survived 37 years should ask for a divorce or what? There are couples who have lost all intimacy in their marriage, some of them live under the same roof like total strangers and some are just co-habiting. It is crazy but it is true.

The 'valid' reasons for dating a married man

I was listening to a group of ladies at the salon a few days ago. They were talking about a woman I knew [It is indeed a small world]. One of them was the woman’s husband’s mistress who sometimes boldly picked the man’s calls to say a whole lot of nonsense to the woman when she called to speak to her husband. No, these weren’t ‘local’ ghetto fabulous women looking for a man who would take care of them and pay their bills. These were women who dressed and talked like decent people until the conversation took that direction.

So this lady and her friends said that there were ‘valid’ reasons for a woman to date a married man and not feel guilty about it.

 1.       If the man’s wife nags the hell out the man: That is, she nags him so much that he is actually seeking solace in some other woman’s arms. So she [mistress][ is actually saving a soul by dating him; helping a brother out so he doesn’t get hypertensive or so depressed he becomes suicidal. According to the lady, this woman she was dating her husband and ruining her home was a hopeless nag. The woman is one of those people that told you whatever they had in mind but honestly, I wouldn’t know if she was a nag. This reason they said, was valid. SMH

Source

2.       If the wife isn’t as adventurous in bed as the husband would want her to be and has no intention of improving: Yes, they said it is justifiable if a woman decides to help a sexually frustrated married man. It is his wife’s fault if she doesn’t help him achieve his sexual fantasies and yes, she was indirectly telling him to go out there to ‘get it’ so why would she feel guilty for dating such a man?

When should a woman stop fighting for her man?

While some women might be well aware of their husbands’ opinions concerning polygamy maybe because they are Muslims or traditionalists or just a person who believes it’s only natural for a man to have more than one wife, some are not until it hits them square in the face. 

I have watched two women I know go through the terrible ordeal of finding out, fighting to keep their men, and then sadly living with the fact that their husbands are married to other [younger] women.

Woman A: Martha’s husband was her college sweetheart. He found it difficult to pay school fees at the time because his father had three wives and his mum was the first wife. The man who was just a farmer couldn’t take care of his children. Martha’s parents were doing well so she began to support Ahmed. She helped him with school fees, feeding and buying books. He promised her he would never marry two wives even though he was a Muslim because he didn’t want his children to ever go through what he went through plus of course, he wouldn’t betray her in that manner. Martha believed him because her father was a Muslim and her mother a Christian and he didn’t marry another wife.

After 15 years of marriage that produced 2 boys and a girl, Ahmed who was now doing very well, decided to take another wife; a girl in the vicinity who was in her early twenties. Martha nearly went mad. As I narrate this, she isn’t still very stable mentally. There was nothing she didn’t do. She confronted the girl and her family, fought for her man for several months and of course took the matter to their families. Ahmed’s family of course told her it wasn’t wrong according to their faith. After 5years of marriage, that produced two kids, the girl just left the man. He went back to Martha who forgave him. Less than two years later, he married again, this time to a divorcee. I don’t know how she’s getting by right now.

Woman B: Laura married this police man [before he became the head of a district] when she was 20years old. When she had a first child through C section, the husband’s family was outraged. They told their son that she had bad luck and wouldn’t have more than one child. This woman risked her life, went against doctor’s orders and had 3 more kids. This shocked the family of her husband and they were forced to accept her. Everything was going very well until the policeman all of a sudden rented an apartment for another woman. When Laura found out, she took the woman’s phone number from her husband’s phone and began to call her every minute to threaten, beg sometimes and curse her.

Generally speaking.....

Hey y’all!

*hugging everyone* Hope you guys have been cool? Well, I have God to thank for everything in my life and in the lives of my loved ones. He has been faithful.

Too many happenings yeah? The bombings in Jos and other parts of the North.  May God protect us all from this inhumanity. I will never understand why anyone would agree to kill himself and other innocent people in such a violent manner. 

The way people [I suspect women] talk about unmarried celebrities like it’s a disease they aint married yet. They just aint married YET. Well since it is now a disease [or something like that] beside alcoholism and drug dependency, this should be a perfect opening at the ‘Yet to be married women meetings’

Hello, I am Lily Johnson. [Hi Lily]

I am a woman of ‘marriable’ age. [That means I am between 18 and 35 years old. Because after 35, the belief is that you are doomed forever.]

But I am not married yet. [Well, since the meetings are for only unmarried women, the participants are not allowed to say awww...]

Marriage is a beautiful thing and of course we all love what it comes with; the lovely rock on that finger [hehehe], the man of your dreams [errr...not all the time if we want to be truthful to our selves] and children [the highest point in marriage for most women]. When a lady isn’t married yet, it doesn’t always mean she has a bad character, has a spiritual problem or cannot keep a man. There are a thousand and one other relatable reasons. Just saying.

Dude, it would be in your best interest to put a ring on it though.

And there is colour blocking. Bold colours are still in and roaring! While some ladies get it right [Not that I am an authority in the thing but at least they look good], others look like circus tricks. And guys are catching up fast too. One guy made me laugh really hard the other day. He said a guy doesn’t have any business with a belt that isn’t black or brown. Quoting him, ‘Dudes be walking around looking like Teletubbies!’

Thank you all for all your comments. 

Spread the love...

And yes she is back!

Lily Johnson

Pics from here and here

My humble opinion

I am so sorry for being M.I.A for a while. It’s just that I had a lot going on for me. I have been extremely busy and soon going to write my exams. I am so happy I am almost through with my programme and hope I come out with something better than I had hoped for.

Well, I also heard the stories most of you guys heard about the violence against women that made headlines last month. I still read somewhere this morning about a woman that cut off her husband’s penis. So it is not just against women, it is that some couples have embraced violence instead of good old communication. And the fact that people don’t do what they ought to do before getting into marriage.

Marriage is supposed to be a union of two people who after finding out they love each other unconditionally, complement each other, can live with each other, can tolerate each other, have mutual respect for each other and want to live for each for the rest of their lives, decided to make the union legal or bring it before God for blessings. Just as any relationship, marriage does have its crazy times but if there is love and tolerance, I believe it would never get to violence. The couple might have screaming matches to vent their frustration and stuff but would not bring a knife to each other’s bodies. 

The problem is that people are getting married daily for reasons that are wrong and even funny. Sometimes, a woman might marry a man she knows doesn’t love her but thinks everything would work out because she loves him to bits. People marry for money, security, to get away from family, to make some ‘prophesy’ to come true, to attain a particular status in the society, to be identified with a particular name maybe because the family is famous...it is a terrible situation.

Before and after marriage, couples should always pray together. I am talking about holding hands and praying for God’s guidance. There is something about you and your fiancé or husband holding each other’s hands to pray. It is very intimate. Let him pray for you and you in turn should pray for him then pray for each other, your relationship, your marriage and every other thing.

I still believe that if a marriage isn’t destined to work out, it wouldn’t. I am not carrying placards encouraging divorce but there are some situations that there isn’t any other solution to them than just walking away. Some women [men too] would have been alive or less damaged if they had just done that.

May God in His infinite wisdom guide and protect us all.

RIP Titi and Olori Bolanle

Lily Johnson

Wedding bells and pictures.

I apologise for not being here for a while now because I know that I was missed. Right? Thanks. I have good reasons though. My internet subscription expired and I am kind of in a tight spot and now have to visit cybercafés. Plus this wedding took some of my time. I and my best friend Dara were with the bride Bosun, who is a friend to us for almost a week. Dara was her maid of honor and I was the bag lady. Everybody in my life kind of trusts me to know where everything is and I'm very capable of taking care of things. So I was with the makeup bag, tissues, extra handkerchiefs, the camera and the camcorder. I took some of the pictures you are about to see except, of course, the pictures that I am in. I selected just a few because I don’t want to bore you guys.

I hope you like it.

On our way to the registry. Lily, Bosun, Latifat, Ola (Bosun's son) and Dara.

I was holding a mirror!

                                                         

Bride and Bag Lady

Feeling fabulous!

This is wishing dear Bosun a happy married life.



I and my best friend, Dara!(She is Dammy to me)





And smile!



I miss reading you all and will try to do so and comment when I can. You guys are awesome!

Lily Johnson.

The Mother, You and the Balance

Okay, this is a very sensitive subject but I am going to talk about it. Some of you might think it isn’t that important especially if you and your partner decided a long time ago to exclude all other members of your families in your affairs. But if not, you would definitely understand and appreciate what I am about to talk about.

You meet a guy; start dating then it develops into a relationship. If things are really good that is if your guys are compatible, really understand and make each other happy, then marriage would be considered. Then of course, you will have to meet each other’s families.

Your man already has a way he relates with his parents. You are expected to either try as hard as you can to please them or be your very self. In any case, the latter would prevail.

Now, just as you and your man have your disagreements, occasional shouting matches and different opinions and beliefs, so have he and his mother. So there would be disagreements once in a while between them.

If you occasional go to your man’s folks when you are having conflicts with him and they have been able to call him to order each time, you develop a deep sense of respect and admiration for them even without knowing it,.

Now, what happens when your man and his folks especially his mother fall out and his mother tells you about it? This may seem very easy to answer and even handle right? You just talk to your man and of course, he would listen to you, apologise to his mum and you all lived happily ever after. Very possible especially if he was wrong. But what if he wasn’t? What if his mother should be the one to apologise and not the other way round even though she is seriously expecting it? And expecting you to talk some sense into him to do the right thing? Oh no!

You are just standing there, wondering what to do because it isn’t about taking sides but being as sensible, practical and unbiased as you can be. And trust me, it is difficult.

One wrong statement could destroy the good relations you have with your mother in-law (or to-be) and could also bring serious conflict between you and your man. And of course, if you are too hard on your man, you might be surprised to get a negative reaction from his mother and vice versa!

So what do you do for crying out loud? I am not a pro but listen to these do and don’ts.

1. If you want to say “You are wrong” or “You shouldn’t have done that” to his folks, put it mildly and never raise your voice. Even if your man is there fuming and shouting the house down

2. When your man is having a fight with his mother, always remind him that the woman is his mother for crying out loud and he shouldn’t shout at her or disrespect her even he feels she deserves it. Never support that and trust me, he doesn’t want you to.

3. If you were rather unfortunate to be there during a shouting session between them, apologise to the mother and ask your man to be quiet and allow her to calm down so they could talk reasonably.

4. If the situation gets out of hand and your man heads for the car, tell the woman how sorry you are for everything before running after Mr. “I’m outta here.”

5. When the older woman is so hurt she is like, “I won’t forgive him for this”, please don’t get overly defensive. Just apologise on your man’s behalf and remind her that he is her beloved son.

6. Unless you are invited to air your views, stay away from rather touchy family subjects.

7. Be nice, be respectful, be tactful and of course be yourself.

My strong African values may have influenced my opinions but hey, you can’t go wrong if you try your best to hang in the balance, give respect to who it is due and say the right words at the right time when you can.

Do stay out of trouble and be good.

Lily Johnson.

Pictures by istockphoto.com