Featured! Charly Boy’s The SEE FINISH Syndrome [For couples only]

After reading this article, I decided to put it up here [after asking for and getting Charly Boy’s approval] especially since Valentine’s day is here when many couples who might be going through the See Finish Syndrome are probably trying to get each other gifts. Maybe not. What is funny is many people who are courting/dating after a few years, break up because of this. This article makes a lot of sense. Charly Boy went there! It is a long read, a bit explicit and funny but not boring at all so buckle up.

The article

When two people, lovers, friends, partners or even team mates can consistently predict one another’s moves like clockwork, it is called SEE FINISH.

See finish can help one in fully understanding your partner. However, See finish in a marriage has its own bad sides and if not checked can lead to the death of DESIRE in a marriage, especially, sexually.

That’s when couples start to take each other for granted and no longer as granted. SEE FINISH in a marriage is when one spouse is desperately yearning for more sex, connection or physical closeness, and the other for whatever reason, seems a bit unconcerned about their partner’s feelings, or just not with it anymore.

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For instance, if in the beginning of a marriage, a couple enjoyed going out together and five years into their union as husband and wife, both of them begin to hate the idea of hanging out with each other,hmmmmmm SEE FINISH has entered the matter.

See finish is when your spouse is no longer attractive sexually, when you start looking at your spouse as a sister or a brother. For married people, it when making love has become a chore instead of the affirmation of love and intimacy.

The worst stage of See Finish in a marriage that there are couples who haven’t made it to their 10^th year in marriage and already there is little or no action in the bedroom? If their desire has finally kicked the bucket before year ten, we that have survived 37 years should ask for a divorce or what? There are couples who have lost all intimacy in their marriage, some of them live under the same roof like total strangers and some are just co-habiting. It is crazy but it is true.

Pheromones, tantalizing incense sticks and a curious cat

I was doing a research online earlier today and I stumbled on something that I find quite interesting; pheromones. Actually, there was a time I was reading a lot on the thing and found an equally curious partner in a friend of mine. 

A pheromone is a chemical an animal produces which changes the behaviour of another animal of the same species (animals include insects). Some describe pheromones as behaviour-altering agents. Many people do not know that pheromones trigger other behaviours in the animal of the same species, apart from sexual behaviour.
Pheromones, unlike most other hormones are ectohormones - they act outside the body of the individual that is secreting them - they impact a behaviour on another individual. Read more here

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So apart from sexual behaviour, pheromones can trigger other behaviours like people can like you more, you step into a room and people are drawn to you and you get ‘lucky’.  

Up close and not so personal with a gigolo

I believe I have met different kinds of people in my many years on this planet but until a few days ago, I don’t think I have ever been in the same space, breathing the same air with a man who goes about dating women who support him financially in exchange for sex or this false notion that they [the women want this] are in a ‘relationship’. You know to at least show her friends and the world that she might be of a certain age and stuff but she has a man in her life. They might be getting married, [living in denial or she’s doing a lot to keep this guy that obviously can’t be kept] and he’s doing well as a contractor [Ok oo]

How did I know what this guy was? Oh he pretty much gave himself away the minute he walked in. This tall, dark and handsome guy [Oh well, I’m being truthful] walked into a room where a number of women were seated and gave us all a look that blatantly said ‘Nah, I don’t need you ladies. You need me’.  Then of course, I heard his story. Goes about with a phony accent 'being of service' to women in their thirties and forties who are single, divorced or desperate . While some of these women know his business, some don't even know because he probably approached them like he wanted a serious relationship or something. These women shower him with gifts and stuff you know the deal. Then he began to show off some of these gifts. His very expensive phones. Trust me when I say he was showing off.

This is just too funny. Source

Of butt pads and men who only want to replace their exes who never left in the first place.

I haven’t been here in a while because I just have too much going on in my life. Let me not bore you guys with the details. I hope you all get this update because for some strange reason, I think people no longer see my updates, the lovely Toinlicious complained about this too so I am hoping the problem doesn’t persist.

Someone asked me what I thought of butt pads and went ahead to say all sorts of negative stuff about women who wear them. How they are bad women with low self esteem and how they deceive men with their ‘artificial hips and bum’.

‘It is unfair!’ ‘It is ridiculous’. ‘Now I can’t even see a woman with sizeable hips without thinking ooh that might just be fake’

Hmmmm.... Dude needs to chill though. I was tempted to buy him a chilled Coke. That one litre bottle that has made its way back in Lagos traffic. At least by the time he was done with it.....

Anyway, what do I really think about hip and butt pads? I put them right where I put push up bras, spandex, artificial hair and full coverage foundation. I use the latter sometimes to cover up blemishes on my rather temperamental facial skin when necessary so I am not going to judge a girl that wants to fill up her jeans or skirt. Am I ever going to wear them? No. I don’t see why I should. Some people are going to say it means low self esteem, not accepting yourself the way you are and stuff. Oh well, that has been said about makeup and artificial hair. You do know you have a huge problem if you do not feel good about yourself but I don’t believe all the ladies who wear them have self esteem issues though. Like my brothers in the streets will say ‘All na wash’.

Happy Easter folks!!

To my wonderful readers,

May the love Christ has shown us follow you everywhere you go, open even bigger doors, attract even better people and just immensely bless you all.



Thanks and stay fabulous!

Lily Johnson

When the man is a drama queen.

Men often see women as the ones that nag and cause unnecessary drama and they are the calm and collected ones who need a break from all our troubles. Hmmm....

I saw him when he walked into the packed super market and believed he would behave because the place was packed. It was a Friday.

I was about to call on him but he made eye contact with me and began to walk towards me. Then it began...

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Seriously Mabel? Do you think it’s easy to drive down from the office to this place? He shouted at me, The traffic. The stress. The crazy people that were in the damned traffic. All this just to come give you the house keys? Why do you keep losing your keys by the way? Human beings don’t lose their house keys the way you do. How did you lose the keys again Mabel? How does a woman lose her keys in her parents’ place and had to call her husband to come from work to come give her his own set of keys?................ 

What men really want...

So I wanted to do a post on the above subject and thought I should get a man to write a short and very personal piece about what a man wants or what he wants. I didn’t want the whole ‘step by step’ thing that makes you feel like you are in a classroom. I wanted something that flowed freely and still very sincere.
I got my very good friend Steve to write a piece off the top of his head and fast. How else would you get a very sincere piece?

Steve is a senior social work practitioner in the UK.


What men really want
Okay folks, I admit this might be from a rather narrow and biased perspective ;mine and that of some of my male friends. But this is what I have to say...

So I woke up this morning with my gorgeous baby cuddled up to me, looking amazing even as she sleeps; the peaceful serenity of her face.

I stroked her hair gently and she smiled as she always did, she leaned over and kissed me gently on the lips. Hmmm. I said ‘good morning gorgeous’ and she responded 'good morning handsome'.

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Yes she meant me.

Dear woman: Your man wants you to seduce him like right now.

When you wear a beautiful dress or lingerie or a nice new perfume and your man looks at you and smiles, pays you a compliment or kisses you or the three mentioned [Imagine the bliss of having all three], what does that tell you? He liked what he saw and probably would like to see more of that. He would like to be ‘treated’ to that more often. Now you might have worn the dress out of necessity or bought that lingerie because you wanted to give yourself a treat which means you didn’t even mean to get his attention. But you did. Imagine if you did that just to please him and doing it for him from time to time. In our busy schedules as wives and partners, we just let everything work like clockwork. If it aint broken don’t fix it yeah? But women tend to jump to say their men just stopped being romantic. Just the way you want to be ‘wooed’, the way you want him to know what you want and do it the way you want it, your man wants to be seduced. Maybe he has told you this, maybe he hasn’t, maybe he thinks he has but really hasn’t or maybe he believes you would figure that out yourself.

Imagine this: You were at your vanity table applying your night cream and thinking about a whole lot of things [as we normally do] Junior needed a new school bag, your hair needed to deep conditioned, the client you were meeting the next morning is a tough cookie, you just had to cook a big pot of soup to save cost, why on earth wouldn’t pimples just go back to hell where they came from? And your man who was on the bed looking at you the whole time just says ‘Baby, come right here and seduce me’

You might be thinking [and laughing] right now saying ‘No, that can’t happen to me. What!? Or you might just start laughing at the crazy randomness of the whole thing and say to him ‘You can’t be serious’ or well, you could be shocked. One thing is that you would really wonder how you are supposed to seduce him that is if you are not one of those women that have no problem with that issue.

Love yourself enough to....

Love yourself enough to earn the money that is required to take care of yourself and feel good about yourself. We all are not going to have Oprah or Bill Gates’ money but we can try to make a decent amount of money. Now if you are presently unemployed, it doesn’t mean you don’t love yourself though. Love yourself enough to seize every opportunity to prove yourself to the world. Love yourself enough to keep trying to get there without quitting. Because if you quit, you probably won’t ever own that car or live in that house or provide for your family. Prove to yourself [not anyone else] that you love yourself enough to want these good things for yourself and would work to get them.

Love yourself enough to appear good all the time. It might not always be the case but love yourself enough to try your best. A smile and a compliment here and there are too good not to get from people from time to time.

Get off your high horse and reach out!

Some of us tend to be wrapped in our own world with our jobs and rather busy schedules that we tend to forget our family and true friends. No calls. No text messages. Nothing. We leave all that for them to do because we are too busy to. It is only sensible and mature to try to create time for your loved ones despite what you might be going through.

Individual A: He loves his family and close friends but scarcely has the time to reach out to them because he is wrapped up in this time and energy consuming project. However, when they call, text or ping him, he would reply. But he won’t do that first though because he is too busy to. If they don’t, then oh well! He may not reply your message in two days. And when he does, he acts like you didn’t send him any message at all. You should know he is a very busy person.

Yeah, you look cool in your suit and all. Be civil while at it

Lily to Individual A: Good day sir. I understand your situation. You are a very hard working person. Can you devote 10 minutes out of 24 hours to talk with your family. Not every day of course but maybe once a week. When you are in the rest room doing your business, could you reply your pings and return last year’s Xmas greetings? Could you apologise for not being in touch for a while? We understand you are busy. Be civil while at it. Stop making your family and friends feel they are disturbing you each time they want to make a call or send you a message to just to know how you are fairing.

Happy Valentine's day!

Valentine's day is here again! Remember, my dear people that it is all about love and sharing it. So give something to someone special and also to someone who doesn't have much.
Last year, I said something about making your own cards. I am all about little things that mean a lot when there is love and mutual respect between a couple.

How about writing him or her a love letter? I think love letters are romantic even though it seems nobody does that anymore. Get a paper and write something that best describes how you feel about the person. If you don't know how or don't have the time, go online and search for a good love poem and write it in your own words using it as a guide because if it is too fancy, your loved one would know just where you got it from.

And do every other thing than you guys normally do and maybe even something new! Check out new places, discover new things about each other and laugh at each other's mistakes and eff ups.

Hold hands, kiss whenever you get the chance to and remind him or her that he/she is loved and cherished.

Happy Valentine's day to y'all. I love you guys.

Lily Johnson

Pics from fotosearch.com

The ‘In’ and ‘Out’ of love.

Falling in love is a beautiful thing. You know, the sudden smile when you remember how he looks at you, the happiness you feel knowing that you would see him again soon and the weakness in your knees when he kisses you.

It is simply wonderful.

But sometimes, this beautiful feeling can be….well everything but beautiful and wonderful.

Sometimes, women {or men} find themselves in love and wishing they could just fall out of it. They want to feel burning hatred for a partner instead of the passionate love they once felt.

The major reason why people seek this change is betrayal. Once a lover is betrayed, she/he feels so bad; so hurt that it ruins a lot and a lot more is seen in another light.

When some people prove the age old statement “There is a thin line between love and hate” absolutely right, the deep, sentimental and emotional seem to show that there is a thin line between love and extreme pain, rivers of tears and neurosis.

When these people are betrayed (or even constantly so), they find it hard to instantly despise the person and move on.

And even when they finally break up with the person, instead of tearing pictures and breaking gifts in blind rage, they just curl up and suffer. The problem for them isn’t just moving on. It is falling out of love. It is wanting desperately to stop loving the person.

This makes them feel weak, fickle and terribly indecisive which causes them more pain.

It is wrong to feel this way. You are not weak, fickle and indecisive. You fell in love genuinely and gave all you had. You just need a little more time to get over it.

And darling, take your time.

If you have ever found yourself in love, you are a strong person

If you have been in love before and it didn’t work out and you are still standing, you are stronger.

And if you have been in love before and had your heart broken and you managed to get over it and is still willing to try again, dearest, you are the strongest of them all.

I wish you all the strength you need to face every situation you will ever find yourself in.

Lily Johnson.

Pics from pschologytoday.com and isitrue.msn.com

My 'E' button.

Alright, I don’t know if people write about this kind of stuff in their blogs but I am sharing this with you for a reason.

I and my boyfriend had one of our ‘chicken fights’ as he calls them a few days ago. Well, first of all, you should know that I am an emotional person.(I can almost hear my brother say “Lily, only sometimes”). I can be very touchy and sensitive. Another thing is that I am only that way with the people I care about. And that includes you. (Please don’t run away)

Let me explain that. If a person I barely know or care about says something really bad to me, I just don’t get hurt. Maybe just a little. But if someone I care about says something even remotely bad to me, it just gets to me.

Well, my darling man is a dream come true to me but like all humans, he isn’t perfect. Neither am I anyway. I even wrote a song about that. Here is a line

“Cos I am so far from perfection”

“I’m human, I get emotional”

“Help me see when I get sentimental”

(Sorry, I got a little carried away there).

Anyway, we had a fight. I was just in one of my moods and he did try his best to make me snap out of it. He had been working his butt off for a while and we hadn’t seen each other for almost two months. I didn’t even act like I was happy to see him though I was thrilled but I just couldn’t show it. It really got to him and he became mad. Now that is the imperfection, I was talking about; he has quite a temper. So we said a few things to each other and well, I got hurt. And I cried.

I cry when I am sad or really hurt. But that night, I cried like I don’t remember ever doing. You know that kind of sobbing that shakes your whole body? I don’t even know why I cried like that. It was like I was crying for the world. Which I may have been since I had flashes of the pictures of the ruins in Haiti in my mind’s eye.(I saw some pictures that just broke my heart a few days ago). It was like my eyes had been wanting to cry and made excellent use of the given opportunity.

We kissed and made up though but there is a reason I am sharing this here. It occurred to me (again) that no matter how much a person loves you, he or she might hurt you once in a while because, well, we are human. We have different opinions and ways of reasoning and we are bound to disagree and then argue and then oops! Some words might just find their way out when anger sets in. That is why counselors stress on the fact that couples must strive to understand each other and know when it is the ‘anger’ or ‘depression’ that is speaking and not their partner talking to them. Please, I am talking about the occasional fights and you know the slights and all that but not serious verbal abuse. That is a problem and the couple should get help. Now!

I do think I could use a book on “How not to get really emotional”. With some gadget called‘Ice Princess’ that keeps my emotions at bay sometimes. I am joking. It is not that bad anyway. Everyone that has a heart, gets emotional once in a while.

Ladies and gentlemen, have fun!

Lily Johnson