Happy New month people and some talk about sexual harassment.

May this month bring us love and joy and all things bright and beautiful. February will be good to us all. Just when I thought January had refused to go, February came and I’m like ‘Wow, we are in the second month already? Lol

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Anyway, a lady told me this story. She was in a bus and a guy came in to sit next to her. He began to chat with her, asked her where she was going and all that stuff. She answered politely. Then as the normal Lagos bus can be, he had to ‘shift’ so people can sit beside them. But what this guy did was more than adjust. He put his hand behind her head and another hand was almost touching her boobs. His perfect excuse was the stuffy bus. He was practically feeling on her. She was confused as at what to do because she felt she couldn’t ask him to adjust back because the lady sitting at the end wasn’t even sitting well. She endured this throughout the journey and the guy was even chatty and made it seem like ‘they were together’. 

Happy September plus Does anyone wonder about the other woman involved?

May this new month bring to us blessings immeasurable and God’s divine protection in Jesus Name, Amen.

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So just as some people have said though I’m not sure I like the way they are going about it, I really do want the whole Ese Walters case to just end. Instead of church members [if they are] going to blogs to trash the lady, I feel they should rather hold their peace and pray for their pastor because whether or not Ese’s story is true, the man of God needs prayers now more than anything. 

The ridiculous jokes are just too crazy. I read an ‘interview’ on Myne’s blog. Read it here. Sad and totally unnecessary. I can’t help but wonder how Pastor Biodun’s wife feels about all this. I mean walking in her shoes at this time cannot be easy. Take away the whole church thingy; I asked myself these questions: if my husband makes the stupid decision to cheat on me [God abeg o!] in as much as I would want him to feel the pain I feel for being betrayed in that way and how I would want him to suffer a little [ok not a little], would I want it to be the talk about town? Would I want it to be on every blog and every magazine and newspaper with the tag ‘sizzling’? Would I want to look at people’s faces and wonder what they think of me? Why the man I married decided to leave our matrimonial bed and seek sexual pleasures outside our bedroom? People are going to wonder if I am good in bed. Maybe I don’t give him enough action or his ‘kind of action’. How painfully embarrassing!

A child that looks like you might not necessarily be yours?? Fate plays a cruel game. DNA says it as it is.

I was just telling a friend that fate sometimes just plays weird games with people’s lives. Actually, I say this all the time sometimes as a joke but sometimes, I believe I mean it judging by stuffs that happen sometimes.

This man [let’s call him Mark shall we?] had dated this lady [errr... Mandy] for a while and they broke up. More than a year later, she turned up with a 10 months old baby boy that somewhat looked like the man and told him she didn’t want to tell him that she was pregnant because he had made it clear to her that he wasn’t in the relationship for marriage. In fact, if you knew the man, and you saw the child, you would be convinced it was his. To even make it more convincing, the boy was born with a mole slightly above his left eye and the man’s second son [he is separated from his wife] had a mole there too when he was born. The man didn’t tell anyone this but somehow just believed the boy was his.

Now here is where the problem lies. Mark already has four kids from his marriage and never ‘played without ‘protection’. So even when Mandy turned up with a child that looked a lot like him, he accepted the child but wondered how it happened. Did she harvest his sperm? He was sure that was what she did but why would a woman of her status do that? And you know it means she took a used condom and what? Very very strange isn’t it? Or did she quickly rush to a hospital..... What would that make her? Was she that desperate? Bottom line, it just didn’t make sense. And this drove Mark insane. What was her response when he asked her? ‘Look at that boy and tell me he is not your son’. She refused to talk about it all. So he decided to take the paternity test. Just to be sure. Yes the boy looked like him, had a mole that looked like the one his son has but he had dated this lady for a few months and the few times they had sex, he used condoms.

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So he told her, he wanted to do a DNA test. Was she against it? Not really. She believed he wouldn’t go through with it. It is a rather expensive test. More than a hundred thousand Naira. Why would he waste such funds? He was already taking care of the child. But Mark wanted a DNA test that would prove to him that he was indeed the boy’s dad. Then he can be sure that his sperm was harvested. And probably form an opinion about women. Someone would hear the story and write a circular informing men to dispose their condoms and stuff and pass it round on Blackberry Messenger and Facebook. *rolling my eyes*

When a woman falls in love and loses herself..

Love is the best feeling of all feelings. To love and to know that you are loved as well with the same intensity. That smile when you remember some stuff you guys do together. That feeling of contentment that you get when you remember him. Most times, the world sort of fades away when you are with him. The touch, the kiss, the peace....

It is so easy to get totally lost in this. It is even okay if it is with the right man. A man who would not take advantage of it and ruin you. A man who cannot but destroy everything that comes his way. A man who is in ruins himself and can’t offer any better to anyone.

Imagine being hopelessly and desperately in love with a drug addict. What good can come out of it? He is probably the most handsome and loving man in the world. He tells you every day that he loves you and would kill himself if you leave him. And you believe him because when you didn’t call him for a day, he actually did cut himself. You are the only one he has because his family has stopped caring. 

He is good at what he does but anytime they find out about his drug issue, he gets sacked. So he is in and out of jobs. It is a sad situation because he does try to quit. But never checks himself into any rehab. When you met him, you didn’t have the slightest idea he did drugs and when you found out, it was too late. The fact is, many women would totally forget themselves and what is right thing to do in this situation which is checking him into rehab or running as far away as possible. They choose to stay and end up addicts themselves and ruin two lives. 

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It is not easy of course to run when you are in love. But if you love him enough, you should get him to clean up. Do it with all your strength and will and if he loves you, he would want to be better for your sake. If he doesn’t, what does that tell you?

Imagine falling desperately and hopelessly in love with an assassin/armed robber. He sent you gifts like Santa Claus after the first date. You couldn’t believe it. Then you began dating and it got better. He took to places that you didn’t think you would ever go to. You had access to his beautiful house and car. You loved him. He made you happy. 

The 'valid' reasons for dating a married man

I was listening to a group of ladies at the salon a few days ago. They were talking about a woman I knew [It is indeed a small world]. One of them was the woman’s husband’s mistress who sometimes boldly picked the man’s calls to say a whole lot of nonsense to the woman when she called to speak to her husband. No, these weren’t ‘local’ ghetto fabulous women looking for a man who would take care of them and pay their bills. These were women who dressed and talked like decent people until the conversation took that direction.

So this lady and her friends said that there were ‘valid’ reasons for a woman to date a married man and not feel guilty about it.

 1.       If the man’s wife nags the hell out the man: That is, she nags him so much that he is actually seeking solace in some other woman’s arms. So she [mistress][ is actually saving a soul by dating him; helping a brother out so he doesn’t get hypertensive or so depressed he becomes suicidal. According to the lady, this woman she was dating her husband and ruining her home was a hopeless nag. The woman is one of those people that told you whatever they had in mind but honestly, I wouldn’t know if she was a nag. This reason they said, was valid. SMH

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2.       If the wife isn’t as adventurous in bed as the husband would want her to be and has no intention of improving: Yes, they said it is justifiable if a woman decides to help a sexually frustrated married man. It is his wife’s fault if she doesn’t help him achieve his sexual fantasies and yes, she was indirectly telling him to go out there to ‘get it’ so why would she feel guilty for dating such a man?

What men really want...

So I wanted to do a post on the above subject and thought I should get a man to write a short and very personal piece about what a man wants or what he wants. I didn’t want the whole ‘step by step’ thing that makes you feel like you are in a classroom. I wanted something that flowed freely and still very sincere.
I got my very good friend Steve to write a piece off the top of his head and fast. How else would you get a very sincere piece?

Steve is a senior social work practitioner in the UK.


What men really want
Okay folks, I admit this might be from a rather narrow and biased perspective ;mine and that of some of my male friends. But this is what I have to say...

So I woke up this morning with my gorgeous baby cuddled up to me, looking amazing even as she sleeps; the peaceful serenity of her face.

I stroked her hair gently and she smiled as she always did, she leaned over and kissed me gently on the lips. Hmmm. I said ‘good morning gorgeous’ and she responded 'good morning handsome'.

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Yes she meant me.

Another ‘Rockefeller’ guy

The world is crawling with people with different personalities. You get to meet people you can’t help but love, appreciate and care about and people you keep wondering what on earth happened to them and made them became who they are.

When I watched the movie Who is Clarke Rockefeller? which was based on a true story, I wondered how anyone alive would not only be that disillusioned but also deceive a highly intelligent woman into believing all his lies about being a Rockefeller and married her. Racking up bills on the woman’s account to pay for a lifestyle that he couldn’t afford. A lifestyle, I believe had always been his dream.

People, Rockefeller guys are still very much in existence and on the prowl. Someone I know got scammed by one. Okay, maybe he didn’t say he was a Rockefeller, but he did appear to be a well to do guy who was highly connected; who had people in high places. He had ‘family members’ who were big names in the society. He deceived a number of people and collected money from them and was living really large. He lived in hotels and ate in choice restaurants with the money of these people. Just like the guy in the movie, he is charming and could talk his way into and out of anything. He made you trust him and believe him because his stories appeared real. If he said he would get you a visa, you would believe him because he probably had people there. If he told you he would get you on any international record label, you would probably believe that too because of the connections he ‘had’. 

Adieu Cynthia Osokogu....

Please if you know nothing about beautiful Cynthia who was reported missing in July and was found dead and in a morgue in Lagos, read about it here.

I just want to advise ladies to be extremely careful and prayerful. Before you leave home, tell someone where you are going and who you are meeting so that if by any chance, you get missing or anything, people would know where to start from. Young girls, please meet up with people you don’t really know i.e people you met on Facebook, Twitter and BlackBerry Messenger in public places. No precaution is too small. There are ritualists, robbers and really bad people masked as ‘cool guys’ who are on these platforms looking for people to kill, rob, rape, and other bad things. 

I am disheartened by this and it does remind me of something personal. It is indeed a crazy world. I wish her loving family the fortitude to bear the loss. 

RIP Cynthia. Rest in the bossom of the Lord.

May God help us all.

Lily Johnson

Pictures from here.

When should a woman stop fighting for her man?

While some women might be well aware of their husbands’ opinions concerning polygamy maybe because they are Muslims or traditionalists or just a person who believes it’s only natural for a man to have more than one wife, some are not until it hits them square in the face. 

I have watched two women I know go through the terrible ordeal of finding out, fighting to keep their men, and then sadly living with the fact that their husbands are married to other [younger] women.

Woman A: Martha’s husband was her college sweetheart. He found it difficult to pay school fees at the time because his father had three wives and his mum was the first wife. The man who was just a farmer couldn’t take care of his children. Martha’s parents were doing well so she began to support Ahmed. She helped him with school fees, feeding and buying books. He promised her he would never marry two wives even though he was a Muslim because he didn’t want his children to ever go through what he went through plus of course, he wouldn’t betray her in that manner. Martha believed him because her father was a Muslim and her mother a Christian and he didn’t marry another wife.

After 15 years of marriage that produced 2 boys and a girl, Ahmed who was now doing very well, decided to take another wife; a girl in the vicinity who was in her early twenties. Martha nearly went mad. As I narrate this, she isn’t still very stable mentally. There was nothing she didn’t do. She confronted the girl and her family, fought for her man for several months and of course took the matter to their families. Ahmed’s family of course told her it wasn’t wrong according to their faith. After 5years of marriage, that produced two kids, the girl just left the man. He went back to Martha who forgave him. Less than two years later, he married again, this time to a divorcee. I don’t know how she’s getting by right now.

Woman B: Laura married this police man [before he became the head of a district] when she was 20years old. When she had a first child through C section, the husband’s family was outraged. They told their son that she had bad luck and wouldn’t have more than one child. This woman risked her life, went against doctor’s orders and had 3 more kids. This shocked the family of her husband and they were forced to accept her. Everything was going very well until the policeman all of a sudden rented an apartment for another woman. When Laura found out, she took the woman’s phone number from her husband’s phone and began to call her every minute to threaten, beg sometimes and curse her.

It happens....

Once (twice or more who knows) in a lady’s life, she meets a man who doesn’t want to date or have a relationship with her but only wants to have sex with her and is bold enough to approach her [over the phone or in person] to let her know just that.


He doesn’t want her friendship [even if he says he does], he doesn’t want any care [he aint giving it so....], he doesn’t give a isht about commitment [oh yeah, he is doing it with three other willing girls]. He just wants to have sex. Maybe once, twice or more who knows.

Ok no, I am not venting or anything. Lol. It is just that sometimes when some ladies meet these men, they tend to think there was something they did wrong. Maybe they smiled too much or maybe their skirt was too short or exuded too much sexuality. And that made that guy think that they were cheap or something worse.

One would think that a guy comes up and tries to touch a lady inappropriately when she is wearing a very short skirt with wild hair and strutting her stuff and asking ‘Who wants a lap dance?’ No. A guy came up and tried to kiss a girl I know on the road and in broad daylight. And she was wearing a T shirt and uninteresting looking jeans.

Anyway, the truth is this, that ‘relationship’ that lasted for a month or less and then he ended it without any relevant reason might just be because he had gotten what he’d wanted and wanted out. Period. It wasn’t any fault of the lady’s. Somehow, fate in its way of making life a huge joke sometimes, just sent the guy her way.

This very decent young woman met this guy at a wedding. He seemed nice and shared her love for music and books. So they became fast friends [in her mind I guess]. Then the guy started talking about sex. Of course she thought it was a joke. Then that was all he ever talked about; his escapades, what he really wanted to try out, his fantasies. When the girl said she thought they were friends, he made it clear what he wanted. The lady said she would pass and boom! The guy became hostile. So this lady began to ask what it was about her that attracted someone like that.

Men, being the very physical people they are, still want one night stands, still tell stories usually lies, to get women into their beds and still have their way once in a while. That is the way it is.

Now some people may say that people would treat you as good as you present yourself. Mostly the case but sometimes people treat you or react to you in a way you know you couldn’t have deserved.

So, girl you aint being inappropriate in anyway. You are attractive and lively and he just wanted to... you know. Not because you attract crazy men but because well, it happens. So just say your piece and take a walk.

Life oh life ooohh life.....[you know that song?]

Lily Johnson