Weird times in a girl’s life.

When she falls into a gutter on a busy road with more than 50 people starring

I went to a salon to have my hair retouched. The salon was not too far from my home. When I was done, I walked to the bus stop and when I wanted to cross a big, stinking gutter to go and take a bike, fiam! My leg just decided to have a life of its own and failed me. I think my slippers contributed to the whole thing.

My hands were on the ground, the money in my hand was everywhere and my BlackBerry bounced severally before it came to a halt. And my more than half my feet was in this disgusting pool of Lagos nonsense. I think I was in shock for about 30 secs.

The thing with this kind of awkward situation is that there is nothing you can do to make it better. So when it happened, I just picked myself up. A guy was on my case telling me to wash my legs with satchet [pure] water. I did but he wouldn’t shut up.

‘Wash it well well aunty. This one na virus o!’ ‘Buy more water now’

Oh God! Why me?

I washed and washed my leg, got tired after buying about six satchets of water and walked to a bike stand. People stared at me but I walked confidently like nothing happened. I have seen a gorgeously dressed lady fall on her butt. Wrong shoes I think. She did the unthinkable. She began to cry! A grown ass woman began to cry in public because she fell down. She wasn’t wounded or anything. Just grossly embarrassed.

Anyway, I took a bike home. I was already tugging at the jeans when my sister opened the door for me and I told her the story in the most dramatic way. I put the kettle on and later spent close to an hour in the bathroom scrubbing the hell out of myself with hot water and three kinds of antiseptic soap.

The weirdest things happen even to the most fabulous people (y’all join me as I fan myself). Just don’t lose yourself or forget who you are.

Did I add that this happened to me yesterday?

Stay cool folks. No matter what!

Lily Johnson

  

Crazy Moments

Crazy moments. We all have them. Right? Those moments that you totally eff up or something bizarre happens to you. Could be a mistake on your part or maybe fate was just having a good time messing with you. And grinning something fierce.

A girl recorded her most embarrasing moment to be the day she was studying in a library packed with all kinds of people; old, young, geeks and stalkers. Then it got a bit hot. She was wearing a tank under her sweater so she decided to take the sweater off but unfortunately, she took the tank off too. So she was in this library packed with all kinds of people in her old lacy bra and all kinds of eyes were starring at her. She tried to put the sweater back on but you girls know that the hardest part of wearing a tight piece of clothing is actually putting it on.

A word here.

In situations like this, darlings, there is no winning formula or anything you can do to make the situation better than it is. And please, do not expect anyone to do anything to make you feel better either. They could try and fail and you would feel worse off. So this is the time to visit the only person that can actually do something that might work; you!

Now, do not make eye contact with anyone immediately something very embarrasing happens to you. Trust me, you might make eye contact with an elephant who in my opinion, has eyes that ooz care and pity, and see 10 shades of mockery. You have less than two minutes to stare and not see anything and to brace yourself. During this time, your thoughts should bother on things like this:

I am afterall human.

This will eventually belong to the past.

Everybody faces terrible moments once in a while and erm.. the lady that is chuckling there if you haven't, I hope you trip and fall.

And yes people, this isn't going to change the fact that I am a fabulous person with a great personality.

Then you pick yourself up (and your sweater) and apologise if you have to.

One evening, I was in a hurry to go see my favourite aunt. I was wearing flats and when I was about to cross the road, bam! I fell on one knee by the side of the road with the bags i was carrying. A fall that was anything but graceful. I was wearing a sweet top and skinny jeans. I looked good! I was up in a split second because it was a busy road and it was a miracle that I wasn't hit by a bike. What did I do? I just crossed the road and kept walking. The people that saw me didn't laugh. Infact, they looked surprised. Though I am still not sure if it was because I actually fell and it wasn't like anyone pushed me or because of the Robocop moves after it.

Get over it dear. Even stars and celebrities are having their fair share of embarrasing moments and the whole world gets to 'google it', watch it on YouTube and E!. Do you envy them now? And jeez! it is like Fate was having a drink with his best pal and had an epiphany "Lets just make them trip and fall on stage!"
Best pal: "Who?"
Fate: "Uuh! Singers."
Best pal: "Oh!" (he is already well acquinted with his jokes and sometimes doesn't find them funny)
Fate: "They'd be performing on stage as usual and bam! they fall." (Laughs hysterically)
Best pal: "Oh!" (Lets face it. What can he really say to change his mind?)
Fate: "The female singers. The best of them. They already have everything they want so...."
Best pal: "Oh!"
Fate: "Lets face it. They should know that a day like that would come with all those sky high shoes they wear. What is it called again? Pumps right? And they dare to dance in them?" Puts hand on Best pal's mouth. "One more Oh! and I will......"

Have yourselves a great week!

Lily Johnson